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Well it’s taken me a long while to write this up but I hope you all might pipe in and help me figure it out
We have visited Costa Rica seven times and in total we have spent about five months in different parts of the country and we like it.
My wife and are planning to retire to Costa Rica later this year, we got the attorneys, immigration process being done and the only thing left worrying me whole lot is this.
After working for more than 40 years I honestly don’t know if when I retire my wife and I have anything left to talk about?
How did you retired guys adjust to first living in a foreign country and then not working and living full time 24/7 with your wife?
That’s a problem no matter where you retire. Men seem to have an easier time adapting to life in CR. It must be the “macho” way of life. Seriously, I see quite a few retired men who when they discover that they have a pocket full of personality and are suddenly irresistable in CR have nothing to say to their wives. Many women leave because of this and their mates also when the bankroll is gone. Life in the tropics can be tough. Think any moves thru carefully.
find something to do either together or separately. stay interesting by being interested in many subjects. develop friends separately, not always as a couple. all this retirement togetherness is overrated in my book. there is plenty to do here — there are animal rescue groups that need help; you could teach english at a local university; but what you can’t do is sit around and do nothing. it’s the surest way to kill your marriage, and die young. do you have hobbies? if not, get one. or two. or three, and i don’t mean young ticas. do you speak spanish? if not, take lessons down here from a native speaker. otherwise you will just be another gringo in a strange land.
Speaking on behalf of my hubby 😆 he found it harder to just ‘do stuff’ than I did. He missed/misses the camaraderie with his peers who had similar interests.
I don’t think men are so interested in volunteer work, as many woman are. Sure, they will help with a building project, but not make it a ‘3 day a week, go for lunch afterward commitment’ which is common ‘in town’.
We live in a rural area and there are very few ex-pats here with no volunteer groups except the church groups.
You may need revert to childhood, and learn to be happy within yourself.
This will be a tough call….If you don’t have anything to talk to your wife about then moving to a foreign country where you will both know no one is probably not a good idea…
If you folks are adamant about making the move I would highly suggest getting to know some expats through online communities and forums like this that you can hook up with once you get down there.
The suggestion of volunteer work is a good one…may I suggest Pretoma.org where you can participate and help them protect the seas.What were you going to do in the States when you retired? If you are a golfer (as an example) and have your regular group you meet with you might want to rethink the move…it will be very different. We read and discuss books, listen to podcasts from California radio and rant and rave about the idiocy of politics from our other “home”. There are the birds, the garden, the weather and local politics (he reads La Nacion from cover to cover). Sounds like you and the Mrs. need to take some time and reconnect and be sure you have thought this through before you make the move.
There is a lot of contentment in just sitting and each reading a book, surfing the web, watching the sunsets or the mist flow over the hills and not talking.
Good luck
I cannot imagine retiring to “nothing”. There is ALWAYS something to do. .
I figure the first couple years in Costa Rica will be filled with learning the language, to cope with the system and to live well in a different environment.
Moving to Costa Rica is a great time to improve your life style. Become a vegetarian and all that goes with it (cooking, new recipes. . ), take up Yoga, learn a craft, paint, study some facet of the country and write a book about it. . .
There is a lot to explore in Costa Rica and Central America that is just a few hours drive, or a day or two by bus.
If your spouse is an avid reader then you may not need to talk a LOT. But you may need to go to some effort to obtain books. I guess the question IS, WHO does yoru spouse talk to now? Who do YOU talk to?
If you NEED conversation and your spouse does not then there is a universe of forums on every topic on the internet. . . But if your spouse needs conversation with YOU then you should consider the topics and not expect to win even the friendly arguments.
If you need to communicate with friends in other countries there are inexpensive ways to do so. I have an international plan on my phone that lets me call my friends in Costa Rica for about 12 cents a minute. There is also email, forums, VOIP. . .
If everything I currently do was taken away from me I could find thousands of other interests. Use your imagination. This move is THE GREAT ADVENTURE. If you can’t find anything to talk about it then you are a pretty poor human being.
[quote=”guru”]I cannot imagine retiring to “nothing”. If you can’t find anything to talk about it then you are a pretty poor human being.[/quote]
Hi Guru. Just sitting on my mountain top, meditating. I was going to just “kiss” you off, until I read your “critique” of the writer in prison. The paradox between your self-appointed and grandiose Title and your caustic wit loom large. Frankly, give me the strong and silent type to your idea of humanity.edlreed,
While a few folks can sit on their mountain tops contemplating the nature of the universe most people prefer some sort of interaction with other people. Married couples who have only spent a few hours a day together in conversation during the decades of their working careers are often thrust into a situation upon retirement where they do not think they will have enough subject matter to keep one or the other interested in their conversation. Once this fear kicks in it is more likely to become reality. They need to realize that retirement is not just sitting in a chair staring at each other waiting for a topic to occur to them. LIFE should provide enough topics but some folks need to be reminded of that, OR that life has more to offer.
Imagine while you are meditating that your spouse does not want to quietly meditate but spend hours in conversation.
My “title”, which I did not expect to be used in forums here, was given to me by acclimation in a specific subject area where I maintain a very large web site. I write about and advise people about metalworking, particularly blacksmithing. Everything from how to start a coal fire to going into business.
[quote=”guru”]edlreed,
My “title”, which I did not expect to be used in forums here, was given to me by acclimation in a specific subject area where I maintain a very large web site. I write about and advise people about metalworking, particularly blacksmithing. Everything from how to start a coal fire to going into business.[/quote]
OK. Setting aside the “poor human being” statement. Damon Runyon, Jimmy Breslin, many others, wrote in the first person vernacular, to their credit, furtherance of the characters and our enjoyment. Editors such as you would have destroyed their talent. Have you read “Seven Years in Tibet”. Brad Pitt made an epic about it, yet it was probably one of the worst written books ever published. Yet, yet, a tremendous true story, made more believable by its “rough” writing. Pardon my taking exception…but it is justified. As to the writer in prison? Keep on keepin’ on. Your writing deserves to be read.
Dear scared2retire,
You have reason to be scared. Read the following:
According to The Washington Post, experts label it “RHS,” or “retired husband syndrome.” Recalling her husband’s retirement, one wife, who had been married for 40 years, said that at the time she thought: “I am going to have to divorce him now. It was bad enough that I had to wait on him when he came home from work. But having him around the house all the time was more than I could possibly bear.”
I trust that was not your wife who was quoted. Sometimes just sharing the silence and beauty of your surroundings, with you bringing her the coffee is enough in itself. Enjoy your new life together!
And another thought: A truly intimate and deep relationship is something remarkable. You and your wife may want to spend some of your new-found time together working toward this goal. I think most relationships exist only on the surface and never touch the profoundly satisfying state of real connection. Perhaps you could take a chance and sit down with your wife to discuss your fears….and your hopes. I think her response to your sincerity would be surprising and gratifying! Great good luck to you both.
Don Diego’s comments have been deleted because of VIP Member complaints.
We would ask that you please try to use less offensive language when you decide to share your life philosophy with us in the future Don Diego…
Thank you.
Scott Oliver
Founder WeLoveCostaRica.com
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