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Dave Clark’s article on sarcasm in Costa Rica is right on. There is none. Gringos really have to check themselves, as it is interpreted as extremely rude.
Dave goes on to say that Ticos are very respectful. This is also very true. However, as with many such differences, one way is not necessarily better than the other.
I don’t know if we Gringos have always been sarcastic. I see a bit of it in old movies, but I get the distinct impression that we have refined the art over time. Another cultural evolution has taken place among Gringos in the matter of self-esteem. I remember when I was younger that there was a societal promotion of a “yes I can” attitude (remember the train? I think I can, I think I can…). People were counseled to think good thought about themselves. It seems to me that be have gone beyond this mentality, and graduated to the stage of laughing at ourselves.
In Costa Rica, people are definitely still in the “yes I can” stage. Perhaps they too will some day move on to the “I’m an idiot” stage, and maybe sarcasm won’t be far behind.
I say that the Tico’s respectful nature may or may not be better, because underneath this public display of respect lies all the things people aren’t saying. Criticism, and how people really feel, is held back, to be found indirectly only by reading between the lines. You’ve got to know the subtleties of the language AND the culture to catch it.
Gringos are generally much less respectful, but at least you know where someone really stands. With Ticos, many times it seems like they’re just mouthing the same socially acceptable catch phrases all the time, with very little real communication going on. Ticos are very private, and get very uncomfortable when you try to get them to talk about how they really feel about some things, even between good friends. Gringos are very public, and if given the chance will tell any stranger sitting next to them at the bar the most intimate details of their life.
They say that ‘sarcasm is the lowest form of wit’ but it can also be bloody funny and as a Brit’ who has been accustomed to sarcasm since my birth (at a very early age), I must admit that it has been difficult to cut out sarcasm from my comments with Ticos.
I’m not sure I totally agree with your analysis of the gringos because I see the Ticos as more ‘British’ than ‘American’ which in my mind means less open to begin with – agreed – however, far more honest and open with their opinions once you get to know them.
It may have been eleven years in New York City that did it for me, I don’t know, but it has been my experience that although we had a few good, close friends, the majority of our American friends appeared to be fairly gregarious but rarely liked to touch on ‘controversial’ topics.
My New Yorker ex-wife always accused me of being “controversial” because I asked questions that would require a heartfelt answer, one that would let me get to know that person better instead of the superficial type conversations about football or the weather.
And just as a matter of interest, what exactly is “politically correct?” If we are supposed to have “politically correct” conversations, does that mean we have to lie all the time?
Scott Oliver – Founder
WeLoveCostaRica.comI have a different perspective of Sarcasm and Costa Rica, since my mother in-law is a practical joker and brings sarcasm to the next level and is 100% Tica maybe she might not be the norm? or maybe it is because she is confortable with me and can be herself. I belive that many Ticos put on a different face when they are with gringos and maybe this person that wrote the artical is just seeing one side of the picture. One of the reasons why I say this is because I have done a little social experamenting. Somtimes when my wife is shopping in down town San Jose with her mom, I will be alone and strike up a conversation with a Tico. They will act all proper and stuff until I tell them that I am married to a Tica, then all of a sudden 95% will act differently and get more freindly and less proper.
As for politically correct I know that is not in the Ticos vocabulary! haha. In the U.S. we have gotten to the point with Social awarness classes, Diversity classes and Sexual harrasment classes that we have addapted the politically corretness police and it has changed our social behaviors which create us not to be able to speek our minds freely. Its like when my mother in-law sees a African Costa Rican??? She says Neagro! Which she has many friends that she calls Neagro and that is what they want to be called! Well in Minnesota she did that once in a mall and my wife had to explaine to her that is not excepted in the U.S.
I would have to differ with you on the Costa Rica, U.S. British thing though. My wife says that Costa Rica has always tried to emulate the U.S. in many ways. Even when you look at the News in the mornings it looks like they could be in Miami or somthing. The big difference though is they like to show women in bikiniis..hahahah
My wife told her mother a couple of days ago that we are expecting and her family went crazy because the baby could have blue eyes and they will call it a gringitotico or tica.Again this is just my experiance.
I knew when we had lunch David that we had many things in common but this is amazing 🙂
Scott Oliver – Founder
WeLoveCostaRica.comBased on my experiences, I agree with Scott that you are treated differently once Ticos (or Brits) know where you’re coming from. It seems to me that once you get past the stereotypes you achieve a certain connection. I found this when living in England for nine years and also on my visits to Costa Rica.
Once when we were traveling with a tour group in Costa Rica, we were tied up in traffic due to some livestock being on the road. The cattle had no intention of moving and our guide kept apologizing for the delay. I finally through my arms in the air and shouted in a sacarstic tone “Pura Vida”! Our guide and driver were laughing so hard we couldn’t have moved if the cattle had decided to move. From that moment on we had established the connection and we joked with each other as friends for the remainder of the tour.
That sounds like an experience I had recently while finishing the construction of my house. My guest bathroom was all tiled, all that was left to do was put the toilet in place. The worker put it over the hole and wax seal on the floor as 6 other workers and I watched. Then I asked innocently, “Where is the water connection for the toilet?” There was none. They hadn’t put it in. So my bathroom had to be ripped apart so they could drill through the concrete to get to the sink connection. When I asked the Maestro how could a thing like this happen when they were all so attentive to details and so intelligent, he shrugged his shoulders, turned his hands toward the sky, and said, “Pura Vida.” When I had a flood of unknown origin in my beautiful kitchen with water pouring out from under my cedar cabinets, and after ripping the cabinet apart to find the leak and finding everything dry so that there was no explanation for where the water came from, I asked the Maestro how does something like this happen? Again he shrugged and offered this explanation: “Muchas brujas.” It was after all Halloween! I was told later that all my workers adore me because no matter what catastrophe happened, I could only laugh at their explanations, instead of getting upset or mad.
Maravilla, So nice to hear that you didn’t react like a typical customer! Good for you! Just wait until you are there for a few years, can you imagine how calm and understanding you will be then?
I have followed your blogs for months and always enjoy reading them. We are hoping and praying that our family will be able to move permanently near the same area (I believe?)where you have built your home.
Out of curiosity, because we have heard so many different stories, what would you guess your total per foot cost (not including land) for building your home ended up being? If you don’t mind sharing with those of us poor souls hoping and dreaming to do just what you have done and wondering if we’ll be able to afford to do it.
Congratulations on making your dream come true!
It’s really hard to get mad at the Ticos when they are so engaging and charming. The general contractor got all 24 workers together and gave them a good talking to about missing something as obvious as a water connection. Rather than watch them rip out my beautiful bathroom, I went to town for the day and when I came back at 5 o’clock, I met my contractor at the house to inspect the toilet. The plumber who made the mistake in the first place was just putting on the last piece of tile, and I said, “Oh, pobracito, he’s been working here since 7 a.m. and he’s all covered in polvo and cement.” My contractor replied dryly, in perfect Engligh (which he doesn’t really speak), “No pobracito, he just didn’t want to die today!” I laughed for 5 minutes.
I’m still doing numbers on my house but for just the house, with all the upgrades of granite, cedar cabinets and doors, custom knobs on the cabinets and rubbed bronze doorknobs, Kohler sink and faucet in the kitchen, travertine sink for the master bath, mosaic murals, bidet, fireplace etc. I’m still looking at about $39.00 a square foot, and if I add in all my travel costs for a year, the architect fees, excavation, legal fees, etc. I’m still at only $42.00 s.f. — same house here in the States would’ve cost me $450,000.
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