Three weeks ago a very nice, attractive woman in her late 50’s moved to San Ramon. I spent several hours with her at Cafe Delicias on more than one occasion discussing her plans to get a job, find a house, get her life on track.

[custom_script adID=149]

She came here with nothing, was in debt in the US, unable to find a job there, and thought that moving to Costa Rica was the answer to her problems.

Sadly, Nancy XXXXX committed suicide on August 27th 2009 by shooting herself in the head with a gun owned by the man in whose rented house she was staying (other friends of mine own this house, so they are affected by this act as well.)

She had methodically prepared notes for her daughters, boxed up her things and addressed all the boxes. She then sent an email suicide note to all her friends and family, including some of the expats she met here during her brief visit. She was thoughtful enough to commit this act outside, where she had placed a blanket and pillow on the ground near a tree, then lay down and put the gun in her mouth.

I can only imagine the trauma the old gringo is feeling right now, but it gets worse. Details are now emerging that the gun might have been obtained illegally, and therefore was not registered to this man.

What will happen now? Do they prosecute him, or just deport him? In either event, his life in Costa Rica is, as they say, “toast”, all because he befriended a woman online whom he invited to stay with him. In the instant it took for her to pull that trigger, his life as he knew it evaporated!

Those of us who knew Nancy for this brief time have all asked the question, What could we have done to prevent this tragedy?

Frankly, I don’t think there is anything we could have done. We all extended our hands to her in friendship as we are inclined to do for newcomers, but we knew very little about her – was she on psychiatric drugs that have suicide as a side effect?

Had she been drinking and gotten morose? Or was life and all its disappointments just too much for her as her suicide note said? Many people have said she probably would have done this no matter what; it’s just sad and unfortunate that those whom she hardly knew, but who tried to give her advice about living in Costa Rica, are now dealing with this event and trying to make sense of it.

[custom_script adID=151]

The question I ask is how did a woman with considerable artistic talents wind up here in the first place – no financial security, no financial resources, no Spanish, expecting to get a job in a country where it would be illegal for her to work. Didn’t anyone she was in contact with prior to coming here issue these warnings to her? Any extensive research would have clearly revealed that working here would be nigh impossible.

We all know that Costa Rica is not for everyone. It is certainly not for the person who is already standing on the precipice of emotional disaster.

VIP Members have been discussing this tragic state of affairs in our Costa Rica Living Discussion Forum here.

Wherever you go, there you are, and for those who think they can escape themselves and whatever problems they had “up north”, think again. In the five years I have been here I have seen men and women both come completely unglued because of the frustrations of living in a foreign country, feeling isolated, alone, and estranged from all they knew previously and with which they were familiar.

The romantic ideas they had about living in a third world paradise were quickly dashed once the reality of living here, with all its warts, eventually sunk in. I have often predicted with amazing accuracy who will be able to tough it out here, and who will buckle and go home. It’s a special mindset that keeps people from freaking out and running back from whence they came. This can be a difficult place to live. It can be tedious, expensive, and frustrating. It can also be rewarding, enriching, and uplifting.

[custom_script adID=155]

But it is not for everyone, and it is especially not for the person who is unprepared for this existence or who does not have the financial wherewithal to live here in the first place.

And this is the warning I will issue to people I meet who are thinking of bailing from Gringolandia to live in Puravidaville. Can you afford to live here? Do you have a steady income stream from some source? Are you emotionally stable? Do you speak the language? Are you prepared to deal with another culture completely different than your own?

If they have answered ‘no’ to any of those questions, my advice is going to be stay where you are!

If you think moving here will solve your problems, it won’t. You are just trading one batch of nightmares for another.

So now Nancy XXXX has left the task of getting her cremated remains back to the US to her completely traumatized family who keep asking what happened here to make her commit suicide?

I have to stop myself from thinking what a selfish act this was, but it is a lesson for all of us to properly warn people what they are getting into by coming here, and to be careful of who you invite into your life, especially if you only knew them online, and for God’s sake, don´t buy an illegal weapon!

[custom_script adID=150]

You can’t save people from themselves or their bad decisions, but we all have a duty to warn people of what happens when they go off half-cocked and move to a foreign country without finding out what really awaits them. If they choose to do it anyway, at least we will have given them a reality check. After that, they’re free to do what they will.

[custom_script adID=97]


Written by Patricia Spinelli who is a professional writer and published author who spends many months of the year living in San Ramon, Costa Rica.


Are you into beautiful Costa Rica?

All interesting things you want to know about Costa Rica are right here in our newsletter! Enter your email and press "subscribe" button.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *